Siobhan's Story Medicine

My tower moment and healing through service

listen or read the script below

My ancestors come from the green hills and salty seas of The Philippines, Ireland, and Basque country. They were healers and artisans who sang and danced and lived off the land and honored it in return. Eventually their magical ways of being were demonized, restricted and hidden within Catholicism and an era of repression, disconnection, and secrecy began. I am the end of that era and the liberated expression of curiosity, desire, grief, and all other human emotions.

I’m proud to have cultivated an intimate community of people that say my work helped them do courageous things (like give birth), express themselves, and connect more deeply to their gifts and legacies. But what I am most proud of is the version of me that has bloomed through applying these tools to situations in my own life and allowing them to transform me into a more embodied caregiver. Because it was not always this way.

In March of 2021, after a year+ of attending births on nights, weekends, and with PTO, I resigned from my day job to go all in on my doula business . Within a month of this leap, I found out I was pregnant and my already fragile home life officially crumbled. Still raising a toddler and navigating neurodivergent self employment, I was physically deteriorating under the pressure and my big dreams for my impact as a doula slipped further and further away.

I remember being alone in my home crying, “What did I do to deserve this?!” I gave so much of my life to caring for others personally and professionally. “Why me?” I felt so angry and bitter and abandoned. But was at this rock bottom moment that my ancestors came through louder than ever: “We’re here. You have us.”

That was the moment my belief in Spirit shifted from intellectual faith to material confidence. I already knew I was surrounded by my ancestors, but now their presence was palpable. And so I began a more intentional and intuitive practice of connecting with them routinely and while the conditions of my life didn’t look much different, I was experiencing my life differently: with more connection, peace, and confidence in my decisions.

We tend to believe that peace and abundance are a reward for hard work. Like if we don’t have it yet, we just haven’t done enough, and to achieve that we need to change our circumstances. But what I’ve learned is that peace and abundance are frequencies that we can choose to tap into, and when we do, the things we desire seem to come with more ease.

Soon after committing to my ancestor work, the things I was longing for seemed to enter my life by simply asking. I was meeting new friends that felt like family, aligned clients and opportunities were finding me, and the distractions and relationships I now know were not aligned for me anymore seemed to find the exit themselves.

During this serendipitous time, I joined Jumakae’s business container, Roots to Rise, and met my now-mentor Tiffany Pettit who offered to teach me Reiki in exchange for being her doula.

This practice of Reiki deepened my connection to Spirit and transformed my doula practice as well. It was so valuable to offer this energy during labors, but the greater value was how it supported me even being able to show up for this work while seeding what I knew had to be my next move: taking the leap to separate from my husband.

I developed a toolkit of somatic practices that I could do on my own and with others, including Reiki, breathework, sound healing, qi gong, and co-regulation with friends. Grounding everything in my ancestor practice and filtering through my understanding of the body as a trauma-informed care provider helped me filter what felt most authentic to me, both culturally and intuitively.

Continuing to incorporate and apply these tools has supported me in transforming several more times over the past 2 years. By being in constant relationship with my body, Spirits, and collective, I have listened and taken more leaps to get closer to my most authentic expression.

The process isn’t linear and it isn’t even complete. I still encounter surprises both externally and in my body. I still get disregulated from tough conversations or the fear of rejection. But now I am prepared and know how to take it on when it appears. Understanding my menstrual cycle and astrology has also been really supportive in giving myself compassion when things cycle.

Because that is the nature of the universe: Cycles. Birth, death, and change. And that is why I offer the work I do today. To help more people feel safe unraveling their relationship to linear concepts of success and happiness and instead calibrate to an existence that is closer to nature.

I know this is a scary process. I’ve lived and continue to experience the full spectrum of what life offers in all its surprises, inconveniences, and delights. I think what distinguishes my containers for learning is the priority of creating a safe somatic experience to get real about the truths of the universe. That is what I did as a birth doula and what I continue to do as a spiritual care mentor. I also prioritize guidelines that enable the courage to change in community with people who are also on this journey.

This is also why I share my story publicly. Sometimes I want to run and hide knowing that total strangers know such personal things about my life, but then I get DM’s from people who see themselves in my story and I’m reminded that the consequences of keeping it real are mostly imaginary. If anything, the connections that vulnerability has invited to my life have enhanced my life in beautiful ways.

I continue to be in a practice of listening to what I need, desire, and am being asked to help with, and I know that one day my role for the collective will change. But at this time, I am here to hold that safe and brave space to get curious about why we care for others and support others in finding the most authentic and sustainable way to do it.

I appreciate every person who has ever told me I inspire them, but what I really want to say is “I’m not doing anything you can’t do, too.” It won’t look the same as how I do it, but your unique frequency is so important and I hope you take the time to connect with it. There’s an opportunity to really change our world right now and I think more of us transforming how we care for ourselves first is a big part of how we make it happen.